Hold My Heart
by comeagainlou
Summary: And now she had grown to wish she could go back and do it over, because right now her heart was killing her, all because of how much of a coward she was. And the look on his face haunting her dreams every night didn't make it any easier either. AlicexHatter, a sad oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

_I never meant to be the one to let you down_

_If anything, I thought I saw myself going first_

_I didn't know how to stick around_

_How to see anybody but me be getting hurt_

Of course she had wanted to stay. That's all she's ever wanted.

But the thought of staying, staying there with him, and him not knowing, was already killing her on the inside.

Of course she could tell him, but the mere idea of him saying no, was too much to bear and so she left. Because she was a coward.

She was heartbroken about it, but the look in his eyes when she had drank the last drop, was worse, it was not just breaking her heart, it was completely shattering it. She had hurt him, and she had left him.

Coward.

_I keep remembering the summer night_

_And the conversation breaking up the mood_

_I didn't want to tell you you were right_

_Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too_

And now as she sat here surrounded by people, she had never felt more alone.

She should have listened to him, he had always been right, right from the start, she didn't belong here, she never had. And as time went by, she was pulled more and more apart.

_Does anybody know how to hold my heart_

_How to hold my heart?_

_'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon_

_I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark_

_How to hold my heart_

_'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you_

Her heart hurt so bad, it was crying and screaming out of pain, and it was killing her, but she had been too much of a coward to give it what it really wanted, in fear of not actually getting what she wanted. Because then she would have no heart at all. Wasn't it better to feel pain, than feel nothing at all? Right now she liked the second option better.

She had been so sure.

But she had grown to wish for a second chance to do it over, because what hurt worse than the look on his face, the same look that haunted her dreams every night, more than the hole in her heart…

Was the constant battle in her mind… Then constant question.

What if?

_I'm not the kind to try to tell you lies_

_But the truth is you've been hiding from it too_

_I see the end sneaking in behind your eyes_

_Saying everything no words could ever do_

She had lied to him before the goodbye. But it seemed as a better way of saying that she had undone business to attend so therefore she couldn't stay, than to confess of how much of coward she was. But she knew she had been lying too, but for what, she couldn't tell. Somewhere in her mind she had an idea, a crazy, mad idea. But it was mad and it was foolish.

_Does anybody know how to hold my heart_

_How to hold my heart?_

_'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon_

_I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark_

_How to hold my heart_

_'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you_

_Is anybody listening?_

_'Cause I'm crying_

_Is anybody listening?_

She should have told him, she should have just taken the fall, because she rather have a few broken bones than a shattering heart.

_Does anybody know how to hold my heart_

_How to hold my heart?_

_'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon_

_I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark_

_How to hold my heart_

_'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you_

More than ever she wished for a second chance to do it over, but what was done was done and now she was paying the price.

Because in truth, she should never have let go.

**Feels like yeeeears since I've last posted! I'm still madly in love with this pair, they are absolutely adorable. The basic reason for my sudden return to writing, is the fact that there is a sequel in the works! WOOOO! Of how I hope that they will change the ending and bring her back, they are clearly in love! Why on earth did they have to change the script?! (If you didn't know, in the original script Tim Burton wrote, the mad hatter was supposed to kiss Alice after his futterwacken) **

**But it's not Tim Burton this time, but I have faith in the new director to do a good job. And most of the cast is returning! Yay! **

**Also I just adore this song, it is absolutely beautiful. Sare Bareilles - Hold my heart. **

**Anyway, I wish you all a good day :) **


	2. Chapter 2

As the years went by, the harder it became to cope. And finally, on the day she turned 26, she finally decided, that even if she was not going to get what her heart desired, at least she would be somewhere that actually felt like home.

So, once all the guest that had been filling up her home had gone, Alice set off to pack all of those belongings she could not leave behind.

Such a picture frame, a old wooden one, nothing special about it, but the memory in the picture that it held, was what mattered about it and made it special. A picture from when she was a small girl, Margrethe a teenager and mother and father were as happy as ever, just as they had finally come to find their dream home, before everything suddenly went downhill, back when she was still only a curious, carefree child, and happy.

Behind the picture, laid a letter, nothing more than a few lines, maybe it would actually more be considered as a note, but was on the written on it, was what had brought her the most of comfort through the years after her Charles death.

And finally, the first hair bow her mother had given her, one from when she herself was a child at that age, just a simple blue bow that held her hair in place, but it was the giver that made Alice not want to let that go either.

Before she had started to pack, she had said her goodbyes to her sister and her family, in a way that to others, just sounded as a normal "I'll see you at the next family dinner" but between the two sisters, would be the last one for a while, and she knew her sister had understood that.

After breakfast that same day, she had went to her fathers grave and sat down, at first she was only quiet and playing the grass growing around the stone, but then she had opened up. First she told him she loved him, and she would never forget him, and that she had lived out his dream before deciding to live out her own, because she didn't want to see it die, and then she had told him why she was really leaving. Once she was done, one tear escaped and fell down and landed soundless on the stone, and whispered one more I love you, before she went to go back.

Now was more the goodbye she dreaded for.

Though her mother had changed over the last few years, she still saw Alice as her little girl, and wanted her safe and sound and to be able to protect her, and seeing her first leave on the ship to China, all those years ago, both made her the proudest she had been, but also sad to let her girl go out alone in the world. But she had also learned to let more go, to let Alice decide on her own, and that Alice was more like her father than herself, and she had learned long ago from Charles, that you could not stop a dreamer from dreaming.

A year or so ago, she too had met a man, at first she was not sure she could, or should. But the man had learnt her how to take choices of her own too, and once her daughters had accepted the man, she finally gave in, and let love try once more.

With that in mind, Alice knew that her mother would not be alone, she had love again, and Margrethe and the boys would come to sundays dinner and she adored the boys.

It was not easy at first, but after some time with sitting quietly on the other side of the couch, her mother finally turned to her with a small smile, and told her daughter that she should go. Helen knew her daughter would be more than okay, she had proven that more than once, and she could not keep her here forever so she let her go. Alice promised that if the chance would ever come, she would one day return and tell about her adventures. Helen smiled and only said she'd look forward to that day, hugged her daughter and watched her leave for her room and her belongings.

Once Alice had it all, a small suitcase with the things that held a special place in her heart, and a few dresses, though she knew would get plenty of more, she thought just to be sure and her bathroom belongings, she was off.

Heading down that familiar path down the road, towards the Ascots' home, through their garden, until she finally came to the tree, with a hole underneath.

Before jumping in, she stopped and took a deep breath, and whispered towards the sky, "Please take me back"

Then she threw down her suitcase, and herself then jumped.

Please leave a review and let me know if I should continue :)


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